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The TalkCeltic Discerning Gentleman's Guide To Life

Discussion in 'TalkCeltic Pub' started by Dáibhí, Jan 18, 2015.

Discuss The TalkCeltic Discerning Gentleman's Guide To Life in the TalkCeltic Pub area at TalkCeltic.net.

Page 10 of 16

TimFloyd Gold Member

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How do * feel comfortable in skinny jeans?

I just got a pair of jeans delivered that I thought were straight leg when I bought them, couldn't even get them past my thighs :smiley-laughing002:

TimFloyd, Jan 22, 2015

#181
Sonny Crockett

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Sonny Crockett, Jan 22, 2015

#182
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CFC_67_88, Jan 22, 2015

#183
Spring Time Gold Member Gold Member

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liam123cfc said: ↑

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble *.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my *-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious * loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my * and my *-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my * shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my * of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My * was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for *-hair. Like everything in this world * created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic *- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky */sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. *-*, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of * cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my * off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering */sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my * cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own * blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my * at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for *-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your * having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR *-HAIR!
Click to expand...

Spring Time, Jan 22, 2015

#184
Mr Shelby Moderator Moderator Gold Member

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snowy norven said: ↑

I'll bet all 6 of them have had some * up.
Click to expand...

Don't talk about my mates like that.
Mr Shelby, Jan 22, 2015

#185

odonno

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liam123cfc said: ↑

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble *.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my *-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious * loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my * and my *-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my * shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my * of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My * was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for *-hair. Like everything in this world * created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic *- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky */sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. *-*, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of * cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my * off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering */sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my * cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own * blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my * at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for *-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your * having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR *-HAIR!
Click to expand...

Hahahaha great post

odonno, Jan 22, 2015

#186
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McChiellini.., Jan 22, 2015

#187
PeeKay Gold Member

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liam123cfc said: ↑

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble *.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my *-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious * loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my * and my *-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my * shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my * of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My * was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for *-hair. Like everything in this world * created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic *- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky */sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. *-*, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of * cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my * off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering */sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my * cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own * blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my * at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for *-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your * having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR *-HAIR!
Click to expand...

* Brilliant!! I'm in tears after reading that.

PeeKay, Jan 23, 2015

#188
muffitO'tea

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TimFloyd said: ↑

How do * feel comfortable in skinny jeans?

I just got a pair of jeans delivered that I thought were straight leg when I bought them, couldn't even get them past my thighs :smiley-laughing002:
Click to expand...

Got stuck half way in a pair of skinny jeans that i thought were straight leg. Freaked out in the changing room trying to get them off :smiley-laughing002:

How anyone that's not an anorexic 14 year old gets into them is beyond me.

muffitO'tea, Jan 23, 2015

#189
TuffGong

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[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0F9uEIAQiQ[/ame]

TuffGong, Jan 23, 2015

#190
muffitO'tea

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that scene came into my head at the time.

muffitO'tea, Jan 23, 2015

#191
Dáibhí

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Has anyone seen these new coats that are apparently all the rage in cities such as Paris and Milan?

An interesting take on the traditional gents long coat;

Dáibhí, Jan 29, 2015

#192
Spring Time Gold Member Gold Member

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Dáibhí said: ↑

Has anyone seen these new coats that are apparently all the rage in cities such as Paris and Milan?

An interesting take on the traditional gents long coat;

Click to expand...

It's a * jacket, 2 sleeves a back a collar, sides, bit of front some buttons
& an * inside.

Standard jacket

* traditional (discerning?) gents long coat that's not long.

Spring Time, Jan 29, 2015

#193
Clint Eastwood The Good Bad and Ugly of TC

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Dáibhí said: ↑

Has anyone seen these new coats that are apparently all the rage in cities such as Paris and Milan?

An interesting take on the traditional gents long coat;

Click to expand...

That's * gorge, O.M.G!

Could I get one for under £150?

Clint Eastwood, Jan 29, 2015

#194
shaun.f

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Dáibhí said: ↑

Has anyone seen these new coats that are apparently all the rage in cities such as Paris and Milan?

An interesting take on the traditional gents long coat;

Click to expand...

donkey jacket they were all the rage about 20 odd years ago.

shaun.f, Jan 29, 2015

#195
Dáibhí

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OisinS94 said: ↑

That's * gorge, O.M.G!

Could I get one for under £150?
Click to expand...

I'd reckon so, if you had a scout about online.

Dáibhí, Jan 29, 2015

#196
wulliebad

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liam123cfc said: ↑

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble *.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my *-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious * loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my * and my *-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my * shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my * of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My * was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for *-hair. Like everything in this world * created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic *- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky */sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. *-*, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of * cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my * off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering */sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my * cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own * blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my * at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for *-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your * having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR *-HAIR!
Click to expand...

You are lucky,i worked with a guy who also decided to shave his jobby fringe and when it grew back one of his little hairy's decided to get its own back on him.
It grew a little bit then turned inwards and dug in.....:smiley-laughing002:
He had to go to hospital to get the new hole worked on and was from then on known at work as .....two holes.

He didn't * right for about 6 months.

wulliebad, Jan 29, 2015

#197
faw cough Gold Member Gold Member

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Dáibhí said: ↑

Has anyone seen these new coats that are apparently all the rage in cities such as Paris and Milan?

An interesting take on the traditional gents long coat;

Click to expand...

That's a lovely coat,I love a lovely nice coat.

faw cough, Jan 29, 2015

#198
packybhoy Administrator Administrator

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Got the coat only in long with belt in the middle last week, posted a pic a few pages back. As someone said Donkey jacket. Keep popping up in fashion of the decades. All the skin heads used to wear them to the football in the seventies. Also known as Navy jackets, for obvious reasons!

packybhoy, Jan 29, 2015

#199
Spring Time Gold Member Gold Member

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Dáibhí said: ↑

Has anyone seen these new coats that are apparently all the rage in cities such as Paris and Milan?

An interesting take on the traditional gents long coat;

Click to expand...

& the belt is fastened on the womens side, or is that
another splendid thing.

Spring Time, Jan 29, 2015

#200

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