Jokes Thread

they really were, especially the madeline mccann one

 

anthony some sick ones there

 

Removed

 

* disgraceful and so out of line. Absolutely no need for it - not even funny in any way shape or form. I hope you aren't bacl on here again as well.

 

Move on guys please ,he is gone for now so post away.

 

this thread is causing people to be banned more than any other, 2 in like 3 days, thats better than sammy!

 

A Taliban militant gets lost and is wandering around the desert looking for water. He finally arrives at a store and asks for water.
The vendor tells him he doesn't have any water but can gladly sell him a tie. The Taliban begins to curse and yell at the storeowner. The storeowner, unmoved, offers the rude militant an idea: Beyond the hill, there is a restaurant; they can sell you water.
The Taliban keeps cursing and finally leaves toward the hill. An hour later he's back at the tie store. He walks in and tells the merchant: "Your brother tells me I need a * tie to get into the restaurant

 

Here's a classic.

What's long, hard and full of *?

A submarine.

( as you can see easier to tell by speach)

 

Some funny signs

 

People wonder why ships are referred to as "she" when the answer's obvious.
As soon as they come in to port they head for the buoys, they often reach astonishing weights and density, they make one * of a noise, a fortune is spent trying to make them look pretty and, without a man at the helm, they become an unpredictable death trap.

 

GIRLS: OFFSIDE RULE
IN A LANGUAGE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND!!! You're queuing in Primark. Girl in front of you doesn't have her purse, to your dismay you realise you don't have yours.

SOLUTION:
Your friend towards the back offers to throw her purse to you. You can't queue jump until the purse has been thrown. Once the purse has... been thrown you can quickly dodge the lass in front and confront the girl on the desk.

 

the best offside rule for woman is, if the flags up? he's offside.

anyway..

The History Channel+1.

Where History repeats itself. :icon_mrgreen:

Rob Green has trained today and in 3 hours he had 4,000 shots fired at him and did not concede a single goal. Tomorrow, him and Heskey will train with the rest of the squad.

My wife called me an annoying * the other day.

I almost choked on my vuvuzela.

* is so awesome...

While all my mates are out having it I'm ranking up ahead of them on CoD!

My wife barely notices the racket all those vuvuzelas make throughout the World Cup matches.

She's used to hearing a tirade of horns every time she pulls out at a * roundabout.

 

son walks into the house and says to his da....

da, i just banged the neighbours daughter..

da says, fair * to ye son, i hope ye wore something...


he says..........




aye, a balaclava

 

A fat woman goes to her doctor and asks "whats the easiest exercise I can do to help me lose weight? He replies, "shake your head from side to side. 'How often should I do this' she asks. Doctor says everytime your offered food you fat C**nt.

:icon_mrgreen:

I said to my wife "Right sexy, upstairs now" She looked at me and said "Ohhh yeah, you randy sod!"


I said No seriously, the match is starting, now F off!

:icon_mrgreen:

 

:bbpd:

 

England v USA, sat night, kick off 1930, the yanks wont turn up till 1941, * old havbits die hard.

one sent to me by a hun, he also had a wise one on * sunday & vuvuzelas which wont be posted

 

Bad craic mate

 

mate sent us this


Rooney, Messi and Henry get drunk one night and hire 3 prositutes after it one says to rooney you were like a * ogre in bed anothe says to messi for a small guy you have a big * and the third says to henry your * was * but your great with your hands

 

Was also the same hun that sent it on ! just posted it anyway been doing the text rounds past few days !

dleted it anyway maybe was bad taste considering

 

That was shocking .

is he a friend because some others with similar bad taste
got red carded

why take 4 hours to realise it was wrong