Jokes Thread

brilliant

 

A G N B :

That's bang out of order.


Iraq drastically needs to reduce its car bomb footprint.




whiteboards are remarkable

 

want to hear a joke?
































womens rights :bbpd:

 

All these jokes about the Icelandic Volcano !!!


I wish they would let the dust settle :icon_mrgreen:

 

two men are shipwrecked on an island and are captured by cannibals. the chief infroms them that the only way to avoid becoming dinner is to undergo the 'ordeal of fruit'. the men accept at once and the chief sends them into the jungle to collect 100 pieces of fruit and bring them back to him. the first man comes back with 100 grapes. the chief says that if he can shove all the grapes up his * without giggling then he will be free. but no sooner has the first grape reached his but than the man bursts out laughing, 'whats so funny?' asked the chief 'dont you realise we're going to kill you now?' 'im sorry' replies the silor, 'its just that my friend is collecting pineapples

 

so i heard the japanese have invented a camara lens with a shutter speed so fast it can actually take a picture of a womens mouth shut

 

"What's the difference between the Iceland volcano and Cheryl Cole?

The volcano is still blowing ash.

 

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.



Lady 1: What's that?


Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.


Lady 1: Where did you get that?


Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.


The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.


Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a camel.

 

A couple take on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could
have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but
she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.. So
the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday....

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled
the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see
that the lass didn't have any pubic hair, and told her husband when he came
home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week I'll leave a gap in the
curtains so that you can see for yourself.."

The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked,
"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you
have hairs?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed off her hairy *.

When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked, "Did you
see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the * did you have to show her yours."

"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!"

 

I told my wife not to turn her head away after giving me a *, but she didn't listen.

It went in one ear and out the other.

 

I was sucking off this bird last night, when i thought

wait a minute....

 

three blondes walk into a bar.

Youd think one of them would have seen it

 

If there are 3 apples on the table, and Jamal takes 2 apples

what colour is Jamal?

 

I just found out my son is a bender



What a blow

 

I hate it when I hear someone joke about the Holocaust. It's just so wrong.

Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it

 

whats black and sits at the top off the stairs

stephen hawkings after a house fire

 

What is the difference between Poland and My Pencil Case?

My Pencil case has a Ruler