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Joke Thread

Discussion in 'TalkCeltic Pub' started by AnthonyBhoy, Nov 6, 2008.

Discuss Joke Thread in the TalkCeltic Pub area at TalkCeltic.net.

  1. AnthonyBhoy

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    right everyone gives us your jokes
    i wont participate much because i woudl get carried away but heres 3
    what has michael jackson got tattooed on his back - MADE IN CHINA:icon_mrgreen:
    what is michael jacksons number plate - RU 12:rofl:
    what does michael jackson say when he walks on to a bus - CAN I HAVE A CHILD ALL DAY PLEASE:party048:
     
  2. CELTBOY

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    funny as *!
     
  3. ardoyne tim

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    All time,Henrik,at min Naka mc geady, easy on the eye!!!
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    Who,s the nicest person youll ever meet in a hospital??

    The Ultrasound guy!!:icon_mrgreen:
     
  4. MickBhoy1888 Guest

    Our lager,
    Which art in barrels,
    Hollowed be thy drink.
    I will be drunk,
    At home as in the travern.
    Give us this day our foamy head,
    And forgive us our spillages,
    As we forgive those who spill against us.
    And lead us not into incarceration,
    But deliver us from hangerovers.
    For thine is the beer. he bitter and The lager
    Forever and ever,
    Barmen.

    A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

    Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."

    One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."
     
  5. Slaw

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    a teacher was in her class and decided to ask the students to guess how old she was...
    so one boy puts up his hand and says "32"..."no" says the teacher
    "26" "no" says the teacher
    then one boy at the back of the class puts up his hand and says" i know, i know..." "go on" said the teacher... " your 30, i know it... i can garentee you that your 30"
    the teacher says "yes how did you know?"
    " my mum was talkin to my brother yesterday and she said that he was a half-egit... and he's 15"


    lol lol lol lol
     
  6. P-Bhoy

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    A guy walks into a windows shop
    And the salesman asks him : Hello sir are you looking for single glazing or double glazing andthe man replies i was looking for windows vista :56:

    Im here all night folks !
     
  7. Dirk_Diggler

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    Whats the difference between jam and marmalade??????


    You canny marmalade your * up a burds *:rolleyes:
     
  8. Renegade T

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    Why do couples from Manchester like making love doggy-style?

    They both get to watch Coronation Street
     
  9. P-Bhoy

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    Gordon strachan and Walter smith walk into a lap dancing club and when they get in they are meeted by a sexy woman. Walter smith asks her how much for a * ?
    And she replies £20 then Gordon Strachan asks how much if your not a * ?
     
  10. Renegade T

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    The other day I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack, and I went up to the lake district. I walked for about five miles then I stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee. Then I walked another five miles and stopped and had another flask........* *, I'm rambling.
     
  11. Airdrie Onion

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    Difference between diarrhea and sand.

    Can't gargle sand.
     
  12. Slaw

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    a man went up to an orfan and said to him" do you want to go to live with your granny?"
    orfan: no, she's always beatin me!
    man: do you want to go and live with your uncle
    orfan: no, he's always beatin me!
    man: well thats all i can do... sorry
    orfan: wait, wait ive got it!
    man: what?
    orfan: i can go to Rangers football club, they don't beat anyone
     
  13. P-Bhoy

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    Well seeing as this is my 1000th post id like to say thanks to everyone for keeping up with my other odd couple of hundred jokes. Thanks for keeping up with me :icon_mrgreen:
     
  14. AnthonyBhoy

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    good jokes guys keep them coming
     
  15. Biffy

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    David O'Doherty- Never Mind the Buzzcocks.
     
  16. rd-67-

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    Removed by Staff

    Infraction Issued
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 6, 2008
  17. Dusty

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    What do you call a man in a bush?

    Russel.








    :52: sorry bout that...
     
  18. Scotia Gold Member Gold Member

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    you wear the hoops thats good enough
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    over and over
    Dear jonathan i just * your daughter...... not laughing now ya *. love gary glitter.
     
  19. joshua767

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    Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was assaulted....

    Whats the difference between a hun and a trampoline?
    - You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

    Whats the first thing a hun does when rangers next win 3 in a row?
    - Turn off the ps3. (cos they r 2 gay to play 360:50:)


    This is my best joke.....




    PHILLIP SEBO!!!!!!!!!
     
  20. joshua767

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    QUALITY!!!:56::50: