Decisions Decisions

when i was 16 i got some random girl pregnant and was too young and too scared to give a *,now 21 years later shes come calling,I have a partner and 2 kids,iv met the older kid 3 times and do enjoy seeing her albeit the 3 times we have just got * together,The mrs is having none of it we are arguing constantly and shes more of less saying if you continue so see her then move out,would break my 2 little ones hearts and there is no way i can afford my own place,feel like * running away to be honest

 

Put the foot down mate! Daughter first ball and chain second.

 

Why is the mrs having none of it, mate?

 

* knows man she is just havin none of it shes shouting a wish she would just * off back to where she came from,a think she thinks this girl wants to move in or something,this has been going on since june my head is totslly fried with it but a cant tell the lassie to beat it coz ats just wrong

 

Your missus is being completely unreasonable. Tell her she can * off if she has that little regard for your other daughter.

 

Second this, it is a good thing if you are connecting with your own kid. Wonder too why the mrs is bad about it?

 

im trying to get through to her but she aint budging and i only see the other daughter like once every 6 weeks im gonna end up hating the mrs but she thinks im the one being unreasonable its crazy

 

shes shouting she * hates her and shes never even met her all i know is this aint gonna end well..... id like to hear a few female takes on it

 

shouting its not your daughter you were only a sperm donor. jesus man its still my * daughter

 

You are rigth, she is unreasonable. I do wonder if your mrs see your daughter as an threath to what you two have now.

 

you could be right but iv assured her she is not all she wants is to see ME like once every 2 months but the mrs is 100% not budging iv tried to give her examples if me and her broke up and my wee ones now came to me when they are 21 but she aint for moving.

 

Obviously the wife feels threatened in some way,21 years is a long time,first priority is your current family but if you want to see your other daughter and she wants to see you then that should happen.
You might need some professional help here, some sort of counselor.
Firstly you need to reassure the wife that they(current family) are your priority but you can't turn your back on the older daughter.
No easy

 

its like talking to a brick wall mate

 

Tough times.

Rather than going out and getting * I'd maybe slowly try to meet her in a more normal family sort of way.

It's tough on your partner as it's a big thing to get used to. I bet she's feeling a little threatened and also a little embarrassed.

It's not usually easy to integrate old and new kids, but 21 years later must come as a shock to her.

The best thing to do is be very open. Stay off the demon drink and speak about things with clear heads. She will come around as she's a mother and knows what children mean.

 

Seems that your mrs want nothing about your history befor ya met her. * that is a hard Place yer in.
@jamesfr said , Think you need a professional counselor here to get your mrs to talk to you in open way.

 

i think you should explain all this to your oldest daughter.

 

if i could afford it id probably say you get yourself to * but a cant,and the stuff ma ma and da do for her/us in unreal i.e babysitting and the likes so if we finish her and obviously the kids would suffer the most id say

 

she knows the mrs aint happy but a dont want to have to say to her i cant see you anymore because thats morally wrong. this is so hard

 

Feel for you, man. Hope it's resolved quickly and amicably.

 

Don't run with that chain of thought.

You have to do your best for everyone. Your current partner will calm down over time. It's not easy for her either.

Falling out with your current partner will effect your relationship with your younger children.

It's going to take time and effort.