Trivial things that make you happy.

When you do a Jobby and it slips out without touching the sides

like a ghost travelling along a hall in a museum

 

A person posted on the local Facebook group saying that they were new to the area, and said they were posting anonymously as people weren't confident discussing it. And asked what the best local * sites are.

The first reply, "you're not posting anonymously Linda"

 

Catching a fly in mid-flight one-handed.

 

Missus asked me buy a new hedgetrimmer...I seem to have have ordered a chansaw instead, oops.
Cannae wait to see her face the morra when I'm 'trimming' the hedge.

 

Mexican food.

 

Not expecting to be talking about the Wild West today in this forum

 

An expert on wildlife & wild west! I always learn a lot from you

 

I used to work in Sainsbury's on produce. During covid there was a foreign woman who was giving me a hard time. She would call me over then shout at me telling me to back off! "Two metre, Two Metres!!!!'' she would shout, so rudely.
I quickly decided that I had had enough of this so I turned around and said:
"Two Metres?, Twometres are on the end next to spinach..
She went ape * and spoke to my store manager about it. Haaaa

 

Farted.

Putridity 9/10
Lingurage 7½/10

 

They are no the same these days...somethings changed....You just don't get the real eggy wans noo that hung aboot aw day. Disnae happen now.

You could clear a pub at last orders with a properly brewed one of they old school ones like. Or properly punish the driver of the Renault 5 that your in if you didnae like the guy. Those days and the pungent nature of those memories are long gone

 

especially in school man. You had to keep it in else there was risk of blame and if someone else dropped one it would stink the place out for atleast five minutes. Nowadays you can catch a fart with barely enough time to even give it a proper rating type of thing.

 

You can train yer body tae produce better wans pretty easily. A big breakfast of boiled eggs and Guinness, bowl of beans for yer lunch and a big curry for yer dinner. Eat plenty Brussel Sprouts for added venom.

Your enemies shall feel the burning in their nostrils and tonsils and a deep sickness in their stomach that they will never forget.
Mind lock all windows and doors...there can be no escape!!

 

Going to the local tonight for quality banter

 

Jamie Oliver messing with school dinners and taking away our farts. Another reason to hate him!

 

Scandinavian soft drinks…

 

Pured iron shots that land on the green.

 

It’s going to be absolutely sizzling tomorrow for those tramps out marching in the six counties, casualties aplenty hopefully.

 

Hopefully they all catch fire but * doesn't burn

 

This is a great misconception.If it’s dry it will burn,sometimes if I can’t be bothered flushing I just fish it out and leave it out back in the sun before setting it on fire.Sure I remember on Ross Kemp’s Afghanistan documentary there was a soldier whose job it was to burn all the * and he got paid a wee bit extra for doing so (in case you want proof).