Dolphins Evolve With Thumbs

In an announcement with grave implications for the primacy of the species of man, marine biologists at the Hawaii Oceanographic Institute reported Monday that dolphins, or family Delphinidae, have evolved opposable thumbs on their pectoral fins.

"I believe I speak for the entire human race when I say, 'Holy *,'" said Oceanographic Institute director Dr. James Aoki, noting that the dolphin has a cranial capacity 40 percent greater than that of humans.

Aoki strongly urged humans, especially those living near the sea, to learn to communicate using a system of clicks and whistles in a frequency range of 4 to 150 kHz. He also encouraged humans to "start practicing their echolocation as soon as possible."

Delphinologists have reported more than 7,000 cases of spontaneous opposable-digit manifestation in the past two weeks alone, with "thumbs" observed on the bottle-nosed dolphin, the Atlantic humpback dolphin, and even the rare Ganges River dolphin.

"It appears to be species-wide," said dolphin specialist Clifford Brees of the Kewalo Basin Marine Mammal Laboratory, speaking from the shark cage he welded shut around himself late Monday. "And it may be even worse: We haven't exactly been eager to check for thumbs on other marine mammals belonging to the order of cetaceans, such as the killer whale.

Thus far, all the opposable digits encountered appear to be fully functional, making it possible for dolphins–believed to be capable of faster and more complex cogitation than man–to manipulate objects, fashion tools, and construct rudimentary pulley and lever systems.

"They really seem to be making up for lost time with this thumb thing," said Dr. Jim Kuczaj, a University of California–San Diego biologist"

 

that's it, we're * now!!!

 

lol good luck to them, maybe now they can fight of those Japanese/ Faroe Island scum.

google it for those who do not know what i am talking about, but please don't post pictures of it.

 

Is this a pisstake?

The general aura of the article sounds like a wind up.

 

* your large hard on collider or whatever you call it,

* dolphins like!!!!!

 

It's not a wind-up no, we're doomed! DOOMED!

 

lol wasnt there an episode of the simpsons along these lines?

 

Oh.. umm.. Well, that's my bed time! Night all

 

A) That's not how evolution works. There hasn't been enough time to breed the trait into the population... and the odds of 1 dolphin randomly having a gene mutation that gives opposable thumbs (it doesn't fit in their skeletal structure, anyways) are astronomically low, so the notion that all dolphins are "spawning" thumbs is ridiculous.

B) This sounds like an article from The Onion.

C) It's still pretty funny.

 

So what does this all mean ??? That dolphins can now go hitch hiking ???

 

Look at it's smirk grin...


WELL WE'VE HAD A THUMB FOR AGES

 

In an evolution class, my teacher put up a pretty funny little cartoon. It was a bunny rabbit and a human running away from a grizzly bear. Obviously, the rabbit was pretty far ahead and laughing while the human had a distressed look on his face.

The speech caption for the rabbit was "how are those opposable thumbs working for you now?"

Well I thought it was kind of humorous...

 

If me and a dolphin were both running away from a grizzly bear i'm pretty sure i'd be the one laughing though :icon_mrgreen:

 

Hahahaha Diegan! Quite agree on a number of points!:icon_mrgreen:

It IS funny
Re: Point B) I'll take that as a complimant!

And Cashy.....*?!! Very funny. I think you should take my username and call yourself The NetProhet of Doooom!

Another funy one Cashy! Your own creation?

 

I always knew there was something dodgy about them wee bassa,s.Just look at there wee grinning faces ,They,ve got "we,re up to no good" written all over them.
Remember when folk all started buying dolphin stuff ,erasers,toilet roll holders and the like .I tryed to warn the masses at this point but noone listened .all i got in reply was a
"aww but look at them they are so cute" cute my *.
I say we get them before it,s too late and from this point onward any tuna i buy will be dolphin unfriendly

 

*!??!

Hey FancyPants! If you're thinking of starting a Social Group or Political Lobby or something, can I join??!

 

You,re in mate although i fear it may be too late

Too the sea and quick

 

Yaaaa-aaaarrrrr, Oy be there Cap'n!


Ever had the feeling of Deja Vu...?

 

Copycats. Millions of years of evolution and all they can manage is to copy what we've already got... that's just poor form.

 

you,ll not be saying that when they,re stealing our jobs and women,will you?