Trivial Things That Annoy You Thread

What I'd give for an extra two squirts of the wanking...

 

Walking to the shops a little * sat on the wall says ''hello fatty'' to me. I replied ''your mums a *'' as you do.
These kids have no respect for a don and are now oblivious as to whom previously ran these streets before they were even born.

 

Doddery old * in trains, planes, hotels, queues.. anything..

Shuffling about clogging up aisles and doorways everywhere you go… take an age to get sat down on a plane… shuffling up the aisle… counting the fekkin rows out loud as they go… you’re row fkkkn 23.. just keep going ya doddery old cabbage.

..Then - once theyve discovered row 23 is after row 22… they struggle to tell what ABC DEF means and which one is their seat… then get all anxious because there’s not enough room in the overhead locker above their seat even though there’s plenty rooom in the next one… and then start fannying around with other folks stuff (namely mine) as they try to shoehorn it into a space that Stephen * Hawking couldn’t find a way to explain as even a remote possibility short of calling in the ghost of Paul Daniel’s.

The planes barely taken off and the same ones are hobbling up the plane to the nearest lavvy or in fact any door it seems… as the crusty old fart on the plane I’ve just got off tried to open the cockpit door.

The most staggering thing of all… is that despite almost needing a surgical hoist to get them into their seat in the first place (once said old fart has been relocated by crew to their correct seat) …. The seatbelt (fastening) which previously seemed to be on a par with the Cambridge university entrance exam is off like we’ve just crash-landed and they are out of it and on their feet like they’ve died in-flight and been reincarnated as a fukkn kangaroo and managed to take up a position half-way up the plane.

The same process as boarding now takes place in reverse with the crusty old * clogging up the aisle, taking forever to get their OAP issue rucsac down yet managing toand shuffle as slowly as possible to the exit.

Do I need to elaborate regarding the process where shuttle buses are involved.

They should be banned from fukkn having a passport…

At the very least there should be a seatbelt locking system that keeps them all clamped in at the back of the plane until everyone else has got off.

Sat in a departure lounge right now wondering which of the travelling ‘near-dead’ will be my next flights offenders.

#nonewpassportsaftereighty

 

Hope one day I’m sitting behind you on a long flight with my jumbo sized packet of wetheralls originals

 

You’ll be down the back strapped in until the non-shufflers have got off.

 

Third night of having to listen to Taylor Swift, whether I want to or not.

 

Vicars and the like appearing on quiz shows with the dog collar and all the gear. Nobody else there is in their work clothes...

 

Don't you be giving John Terry any ideas...

 

It’s the same whenever they interview an astronaut or even prospective astronaut on tv…

They turn up with the full fekkin outfit… badges and NASA logos … the lot.. they’d probably have the helmet on as well except nobody would get to see their smug faces then.

Fannies

 

* that believe every single thing that ever happened is some mad conspiracy/cover up or whatever. Nobody ever just dies or falls into water never to be found anymore ... they're always murdered and it's being covered up by the police, government or they're away living their best life abroad without the use of a passport or any money. Every person must have some sort of high up connection that is happy to help them get away with murder or whatever according to the social media commenters.

Sometimes the simplest answer is the correct one ya nutjobs.

 

‘* the King’ …

… just doesn’t trip of the tongue quite a well as…

‘* the Queen’…

 

I hate Richard Coles, he's such a self righteous *. And The Communards were *.