SICK joke...

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,"Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up Irish Whiskey'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

 

Scottish preacher to his congregation: "I don't mind you putting buttons in the collection plate, but please provide your own buttons. Stop pulling them off the church cushions."

 

hear about the german dare devil?



tried to jump 50 jews on a steamroller!!

im sorry sick i know

 

hahaha

 

Why are Scotsmen so good at golf?

They realise that the fewer times they hit the ball the longer it will last.

 

Not exclusviley Irish but had me pishing meself,


A black man starts work on a construction site. The other workers nickname him "Wog".

Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him "but we all have nicknames. We've got Mick and Paddy, they're Irish, theres Wac from Liverpool. And Mac from Scotland".

The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men "Mick, Mack, Paddy, Wac leave the Wog alone!"

 

it has been announced that jade goody last wish is to be cremated and her ashes put into little velvet purses.
then every that attends the funeral can go home with a goody bag

 

The Scots have found an infallible cure for sea sickness:

Lean over the side of the ship with a ten pence coin in your mouth.

 

oooohhhhhh ffs lol

 

* our secret is out now ...* you dusty:icon_mrgreen::icon_mrgreen::icon_mrgreen::icon_mrgreen::icon_mrgreen::icon_mrgreen::icon_mrgreen::icon_mrgreen:

 

Two Irishmen are walking down a road when one of them sees a mirror.

"I'm sure I recognise him from somewhere," he said, looking at his own reflection.

The other Irishman pushes him out of the way, looks in the mirror and says, "you fekking *, it's me!"

 

Cracker HS! Enjoyed the duel! Here's one last one!


In Scotland they had to take pay-as-you-leave buses off the streets - they found two men had starved to death in one of them.

 

And to you sir, last one of mine aswell then,


Try saying: "Whale Oil Beef Hooked" With out sounding like an Irish man swearing.

How do you sink an Irish submarine?

Knock on the door.

 

* just had to laugh at that one belter good one mate

 

found that ironic with a name like whitey

 

ma second names white smart *

 

One day a farmer was going too feed his sheep in sligo and a geenie appeard and said I betcha a grand that i can talk too your animals the farmer was confused and said go on then next thing the geenie start talkin too the cows asking them how they are getting treated and all the farmer still couldnt believe it so he goes do it again he started talkin too the pigs and he asked them how are they getting treated and they replied teir gettin the best of * and food the farmer goes I still dont believe you the geenie goes ill go talk too the sheep then the farmer goes dont the sheep are * liers lol