More Bravery :D

Definition of the bravest men in the world?? ................


The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume,

Then slaps his wife on the backside and says: 'You're next,fatty.'

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Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says: 'This is the pig I have * with when you've got a headache.'

Wife replies: 'I think you'll find that is a sheep.'

Man replies: 'I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep'

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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, 'What are you doing?'

She answers, 'I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free.'

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and
sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, 'I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year'.

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs,
2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a
500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, 'You must be single.'

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cos you're ugly.'

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Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really upset. She told him 'Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE.'

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and picked up the box.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday

 

some crackers in their :icon_mrgreen:

 

Very funny!!!

 

Excellent!

 

Did you hear about the Magic Tractor?

Went down the road and turned into a field!!


Two fish are sitting in a tank,one fish turns to another and goes " Do you know how to drive this?"

 

some crackers there. heres another brave man one i heard from jimmy carr.

when your wife asks you does my * look big in this, yes is not the worse thing you could say.

saying, let me take a step back to get it all in. is the worse thing you could say

 

Can't remember but this might have been posted on here before so apologies if it has been, still a belter though -

The Sensitive Man

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, Medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side. but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, “Oh my *! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips . He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever
known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, “Well, how was it?”

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:













“Help yourself to any prize
from the middle shelf.”

 

Lol, belters there.

 

Good stuff

 

just told ma bird one of them, didn't go down great hahahaha

 

Haha

Very Funny!