Decisions Decisions

Doesn't matter what anyone's been through or are going through. A woman trying to make you pick between her or your child is the lowest of the low.

Get her tae *.

 

not sure how to tag certain comments in here but il try clear up as much as i can no my mum has not met her and isnt really interested in meeting her and the kid contacted me on fb abt 10 years ago i replied to her but got no reply so contacted her mum and got the words just leave us alone so i did. thanks for the words of wisdom folks i do really appreciate it and will definitely take some of it on board like sack just getting * with her all the time so thanks again

 

Nail on head

Ps yer misses seems like a * control freak nightmare.

 

u actually couldnt be more wrong mate its just this situation she aint buying at all but were havin a few together tonight so listen for the sirens hahahah

 

Have a good night and avoid the subject -just for tonight

 

I hope it turns out alright for ya mate, or for the joke this song ...

 

I am surprised at your mum. Normally grandparents are as keen as parents to see their family.

You do need some support from your family.

Just take things slow and let everyone adjust to things.

 

As the only male in my house out numbered three to one i 100% agree with every word of this.....that's why i point the motor facing out the driveway for a regular quick getaway!!

ps- i hope you sort it out mate!! Did you tell your current wife about the baggage when you met her at first?

 

told her after abt a year odd

 

Just a thought but is your relationship sound after 14 odd years,could ur partner be unhappy and maybe trying to use this child from ur past as a exit door.

 

naw the relationship is sound

 

no the relationship is sound

 

Hope it works out for you and your kids- do what's best for them and if that means having to put up with grief from the missus until your other kids are grown up then that's what you'll maybe have to do if you can't get your own place just now.

If you've missed out on your 1st borns life for 21years you don't want to make that mistake with your other 2.

Best of luck

 

Have the two met yet?
It seems the mrs is a bit worried/jealous of the attention you may give your daughter.

I would try sit them both down over a meal/drink and try build some bridges.

Your mrs is being unfair but i believe its because she is jealous of the attention you are giving your daughter and if she doesnt see your daughter as a threat she will relax but this takes time and effort.

Even try get your daughter on board and try to get the two of them to socialise together with a bit of shopping,drinking ,coffee and the likes, (you might find yourself feeling jealous).

What ever happens your mrs is being unfair so try to get her to see sense and do the rite thing.

 

no they aint met mrs isnt interested in meeting her

 

Assure your Mrs that they are your priority. And you missed out on your first child growing up and you won't put anything in jeopardy of doing that with the kids yous have together. Knowing your first daughter grew up without the support of her father is something that tears away at your soul that makes you want to do what's best for the other children you share together, basically telling her your going to be a top father to her children.

But in doing that. You don't want to lie to them and you want them to know their step sister. Tell the Mrs the reason she's with you is because your a good man. And you put family before yourself and this is an example of that. Tell her you owe it to your daughter to be there if she needs you. Tell the Mrs how would she feel not being there for her child.

Tell her you understand that she's angry and upset. And things won't change overnight. But in time and small steps she will understand.

Telling her that she's the woman you love and yous are a team and yous will get through this together and stronger than ever.

 

Lads any idea where I can get some cheap but not fake irish national tartan or irish county tartan

 

I don't think tartan is going to solve this issue.

 

Your advice is really kind, sensible and helpful, Jeannie. Thank goodness for a female perspective. You come across as a really wonderful person.

All I can advise, strachandsaman, is that you've done a great thing in telling your wife about your daughter all those years ago. This really shows that you're trying to do your best, and didn't want to keep any secrets, no matter how difficult this must have been to confess. This places you on solid ground. The worst possible thing would have been if you'd kept it a secret, hoping your wife would never have had to find out. But your wife has possibly been worrying about this in the back of her mind for years. Now that you have a young family together, this situation with your daughter, as wonderful as it is that you can get to know her, is incredibly confronting for your wife. If she has any experience of post-natal depression, then this experience is really difficult for her. That your Mum is also supporting your wife in this, and questioning why your daughter is getting in touch with you after all these years, is really important.

Please try not to think of your wife as being selfish in this matter. Her primary consideration has to be the health and welfare of her children. Also, it's highly unlikely that there will be an easy resolution. It's highly unlikely that your wife will have a change of heart without you demonstrating complete and utter support for her and your young children. Others may disagree with me, and have good reason to do so, and they may well be right and I may be wrong, but it seems to me that if you don't manage this in a way in which your wife feels that she is completely and utterly the most important person in your life, then she may never get over the bitterness that will grow as she comes to believe that you care more about your first daughter than you do about her. This is undoubtedly a defining point in your relationship that could have profound ramifications for your future together. Previous posters have advised that you seek professional support and advice. This is really good advice.

Is your daughter a mature person. Is this something you can discuss with her? Is she able to understand your wife's feelings? If so, maybe she'll be prepared to step back until your wife can better handle the challenge of this new person in your lives. If handled sensitively, with time this can be really enriching for all of you. As others have done, I'd also really advise that you don't go drinking with her, or at least cut back. This can't be helping the way your wife's feeling about your relationship with your daughter. There is no easy answer, mate. You'll know the best way to manage the matter in consideration of the personalities involved. Good luck with it.

 

The Mrs is clearly threatened by something, perhaps she feels if you reconnect with your eldest you'll go back to that family even if that family want nothing to do with you maybe that's what she scared of to an irrational level.

All I would advise is that you tell the Mrs, their isnt a single thing that comes before your family and whether she likes it or not your eldest is now part of that equation and as a father you just can't stand idly by whilst a young women reaches out to connect with the dad she never had.

Mothers aren't the only one with paternal instincts.