Jokes Thread

WOMEN'S Humour
>
>
>
>My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring
>the
>other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good
>mood
>it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f***ing red
>mark
>on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
>
>
>
>My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will
>make
>you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom,
>I
>squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
>
>
>A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
>the
>happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
>
>
>
>Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
>A: A rumour.
>
>
>
>He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love
>to
>you really badly.
>She said - Well, you've succeeded.
>
>
>
>He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'.
>She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board
>while I
>sit on the sofa and fart'.
>
>
>
>He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I
>gave
>you?'.
>She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b*stard'.
>
>
>
>Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
>A: 45 minutes.
>
>
>
>Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>
>
>
>Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
>A: They can't stand criticism.
>
>
>
>Q:Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
>caring,
>and
>good looking?
>A:Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
>
>
>Q:What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
>A:The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
>driving

 

Sven Goran Ericsson is on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
> and has reached the million pound question. Chris Tarrant says
"Right
> Sven, this is for one million pounds, and remember, you still have
> two
> lifelines left, so please take your time.
> ' Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a sett?
>
> Is it
> a) a badger
> b) a ferret
> c) a mole or
> d) a cuckoo?
>
> Sven ponders for a while and says
> "No, I'm sorry Chris, I'm not too sure. I'll have to go 50-50."
> "Right, Sven, let's take away two wrong answers and see what
> you're left with."
> " Badger" and "Cuckoo" are the two remaining answers.
> Sven has a long think, then scratches his head and says "No, Chris,
> I'm
> still not sure, I'm going to have to phone a friend."
> "So who are you going to call, Sven?" says Chris.
> " Hmmm.. I think I'll call David Beckham."
> So Tarrant phones David Beckham.
> "David, this is Chris Tarrant from 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire,
> I've got Sven Goran Ericsson here, and with your help he could
> win one million pounds. The next voice you hear will be Sven's".
> "Hello David" says Sven.
> "It's the boss here. What type of animal lives in a sett? Is it a
> badger or a cuckoo?" It's a badger, boss." says Becks without
> hesitation.
> "You sure, son?" says Sven.
> "Definitely, boss. One hundred percent. It's a badger. Definitely."
> "Right, Chris," says Sven, "I'll go with David. The answer's a
> badger."
> "Final answer." Sven," says Chris,
> "That's the correct answer. You've won One million pounds!!" Cue
> wild
> celebrations. Next morning at training, Sven calls Beckham across.
> "Son, that was brilliant last night. I thought I might be taking
> gamble giving you a call, but you played a blinder! But how the
*
> did you know that a badger lives in a sett?"
> "Oh I didn't, boss," replies Beckham, "But everybody knows a cuckoo
> lives in a clock."

 

Rumours that David Beckham was seen successfully seducing a young woman in a
Spanish nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted by the
English FA.

Adam Crozier, chief publicity officer stated: "I find it totally
preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make a successful pass
to or at anyone."

_______

BODY MEETING
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.


"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".


"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."


"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."


"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."


"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."


"I should be in charge," said the *, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."


All the other body parts laughed at the * and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.


Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the * should be the boss.


The Moral of the story?


The * is usually in charge.

 

A man rushes home, bursting through the front door of his house
yelling to his wife, "Pack your bags baby, I just won the
lottery! All £10,000,000...."Woooohooo!!!!

That's great sweetie" she replies.

"Do I pack for the beach or the mountains?"

"Who cares", he replies,

"Just f*ck off!"

 

lol :icon_mrgr

 

The Stupid People of 2004



Number One Idiot of 2004
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she'd better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.


Number Two Idiot of 2004

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.



Number Three Idiot of 2004

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in the line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

Number Four Idiot of 2004

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign!

Idiot Number Five of 2004

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.

Idiot Number Six of 2004

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts.

Give him his sign.

Idiot Number Seven of 2004

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Give him a sign.

Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote (and Breed).

 

Do you get these jokes off a site?
or have you made them up??
they are all very good jokes

 

friends who have nothing better to do in work send them to me, i just copy and paste so no credit due but if i was able to think up half of these i'd be on stage.

 

lol
keep posting the jokes :icon_mrgr

 

NEVER SAY TO A COP
>
>1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
>
>2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged
in.
>
>3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
>
>4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good
job!
>
>5. Are You Andy or Barney?
>
>6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be
a
>police officer.
>
>7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
>
>8. I pay your salary!
>
>9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a
warning,
>too!
>
>
>
>10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
>
>11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no
other
>cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
>
>12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you
been
>drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes
look
>glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
>
>
>

 

This land is my land

http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/contentPlay/shockwave.jsp?id=this_land&preplay=1

 

Tallaght Girls -


> >A Tallaght girl goes to the council to register for child benefit "How
> >many children?" asks the council worker
> >"10" replies the Tallaght girl "10???" says the council worker.. "What
> >are their names?" "Wayne, Wayne,
> >Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne" "Doesn't
> >that
> >get confusing?" "Naah..."
> >says the Tallaght girl "its great because if they are out playing in the
> >street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER
> >DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if
> >you
> >want to speak to one individually?"
> >says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the girl... "I
> >just
> >use their surnames"
>
>
>
> >A Tallaght girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a
> >garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up
> >my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
> >"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
> >Tallaght Girl enters a * shop & asks for a vibrator.
> >The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
> >She says "I'll take the red one."
> >The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
>
>
>
> >A Tallaght girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
> >bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
> >Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
> >questions?"
> >Girl: "OK" Medic: "What's your name?"
> >Girl: "Sharon."
> >Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
> >Sharon: "Yes."
> >Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
> >Sharon: "Killanarden, bud."
>
>
> >A Tallaght girl was driving down the M50 when her car phone rang. It
> >was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on
> >the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M50. Please be
> >careful!" "It's not just one car!" said the Tallaght girl, "There's
> >hundreds of them!"
>
>
>
>
> >Another Tallaght girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
> >everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car
> >till she's lying flat out on the floor.
> >Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
> >Sharon: "Ok."
> >Medic: "What's you name?"
> >Sharon: "Sharon"
> >Medic: "Where do you live?"
> >Sharon: "Tallaght"
> >Medic: "Ok Sharon. How many fingers have I got up?"
> >Sharon: "Oh my * I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

 

Kids

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
> > > > > The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
> > > > > swallow a human, b! ecause even though it was a very large
> > > > > mammal its throat was very small.
> > > > >
> > > > > The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
> > > > > Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow
>
> > > > > a human; it was physically impossible.
> > > > >
> > > > > The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
> > > > >
> > > > > The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to *?"
> > > > >
> > > > > The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
> > > > >
> > > > > _____________________________________________________
> > > > >
> > > > > A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
> > > > > while they drew. She would occasionally walk
> > > > > around to see each child's work. As she got to one
> > little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
> > > > > the drawing was.
> > > > >
> > > > > The girl replied, "I'm drawing *."
> > > > >
> > > > > The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what * looks
> > > > > like."
> > > > >
> > > > > Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
>
> > > > > replied, "They will in a minute."
> > > > >
> > > > > _____________________________________________________
> > > > >
> > > > > The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was
> > > > > trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
> > > > >
> > > > > "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all
> > > > > grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a > > > >
>lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"
> > > > >
> > > > > A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
>
> > > > > teacher. She's dead."
> > > > >
> > > > > _____________________________________________________
> > > > >
> > > > > A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
> > > > > Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I
> > > > > stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and
>
> > > > > I would turn red in the face."
> > > > >
> > > > > "Yes," the class said.
> > > > >
> > > > > "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
>
> > > > > position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
> > > > >
> > > A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't
> > empty."
> > > > >
> > > > > _____________________________________________________
> > > > >
> > > > > The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic
> > > > > elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a
> > > > > large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted it on the
> > > > > apple tray: "Take only ONE. * is watching."
> > > > >
> > > > > Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
> > > > > table was a large pile of chocolate chip biscuits. A child had
> > > > > written a note, "Take all you want. * is watching the apples."
>

 

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a
lamp
partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it
a rub. Two good looking blonde genies appear and tell him he has been
granted three wishes.
> > > > >
The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion
surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and
begins
to explore the house. He notices crunching under his feet and
looking down, he realizes the entire floor is covered in $100.00 bills.

Suddenly there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and
standing there are two people dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits.
They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb
and hang him by the neck until he is dead. The Klansmen walk off.
As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the
two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, "I don't get it... I
can understand the first wish, having all those beautiful women in
a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to
be a millionaire. But... WHY he'd want to be hung like a black man
is beyond me!"

 

The myth of the sensitive man.......

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet
cuddly
teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the
floor,cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge
enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of
teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to
mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his
sensitive side. She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each
other's clothes off and! make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are
lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and
asks, smiling, Well, how was it?"


The guy says ............
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>(scroll down it's a beauty)
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

 

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi . . . You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job".
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

 

This it's nuts .....only in america




NUTS
> > > > > > >At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic
Science,
> > > > > > >AAFS President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his
audience
> > > > > > >with the
> > legal
> > > > > > >complications of a bizarre death.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Here is the story:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of
> > > > > > >Ronald
> > Opus
> > > > > > >and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the
head.
> > > > > > >Mr.
> > > > Opus
> > > > > > >had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending
to
> > commit
> > > > > > >suicide.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency.
As he
> > fell
> > > > > > >past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a
shotgun
> > > > > > >blast passing through a window, which killed him
instantly.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a
safety
> > > > > > >net
> > had
> > > > > > >been installed just below the eighth floor level to
protect
> > > > > > >some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have
been
> > > > > > >able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >"Ordinarily," Dr Mills continued, "Someone who sets out to
> > > > > > >commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the
> > > > > > >mechanism might
> > not
> > > > > be
> > > > > > >what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide.
"
> > > > > > >That
> > Mr.
> > > > > > >Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably
would
> > > > > > >not
> > > > have
> > > > > > >been successful because of the safety net, caused the
medical
> > > > examiner
> > > > > > >to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast
emanated,
> > was
> > > > > > >occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing
> > vigorously
> > > > > > >and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so
> > > > > > >upset
> > that
> > > > > > >when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife
and
> > > > > > >the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >When one intends to kill subject "A" but kills subject "B"
in
> > > > > > >the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject "B."
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his
wife
> > were
> > > > > > >both adamant and both said that they thought the shotgun
was
> > > > > > >not
> > > > > loaded.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten
his
> > wife
> > > > > with
> > > > > > >the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an
accident;
> > that
> > > > is,
> > > > > > >assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw
the
> > > > > > >old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior
to
> > > > > > >the
> > fatal
> > > > > > >accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her
son's
> >
> > > > > > >financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of
his
> > father
> > > > to
> > > > > > >use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the
> > > > > > >expectation
> > > > that
> > > > > > >his father would shoot his mother.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was
guilty
> > > > > > >of
> > the
> > > > > > >murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger.
The
> > > > > > >case
> > now
> > > > > > >becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death
of
> > Ronald
> > > > > > >Opus.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Now comes the exquisite twist.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact,
> > > > > > >Ronald
> > > > Opus.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of
his
> > > > attempt
> > > > > > >to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off
the
> > > > > ten-story
> > > > > > >building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun
blast
> > passing
> > > > > > >through the ninth story window. The son had actually
murdered
> > himself
> > > > > so
> > > > > > >the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >A true story from Associated Press, (Reported by Kurt
> > > > > > >Westervelt)

 

Are you sre that's true? That just seems way too coincidental...

If it is though that's helarious, and as you say "Only in America"

 

And * created Ireland....
> >
> >Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven * went missing for seven
> >days.
> >Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him. He enquired of *
"Where
> >were
> >you?" * breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed
> >downwards
> >through the clouds. Look son, look what I'm after making". Archangel
> >Michael
> >looked puzzled and said "What is it?" * replied "It's another
planet,
>
> >but
> >I'm after putting Life on it. I've named it Earth and there's going
to
> >be a
> >balance between everything on it.
> >
> >
> >
> >For example, there's North America and South America. North America
is
> >going
> >to be rich and South America will be poor, and the narrow bit
joining
> >them
> >will be a hot spot. Now look over here I've put a continent of
whites
>in
> >the
> >North and another one of blacks in the South."
> >
> >
> >
> >Then the Archangel said "What's that green dot there?" "Ahhh, that's
>the
> >Emerald Isle," * said, "that's a very special place. That's going
to
> >be
> >the most glorious spot on Earth, beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers,
> >streams
> >and exquisite coastline. These people here are going to be great
craic
> >and
> >they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be
playwrights
> >and
> >poets, singers and songwriters And I'm going to give them this black
> >liquid,
> >which they're going to go mad on, and for which people will come
from
> >the
> >far corners of the Earth to drink."
> >
> >
> >Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration, then
seemingly
> >startled, he said, "Hold on a second, what about BALANCE, you said
>there
> >was
> >going to be balance..?"
> >
> >
> >
> >* replied wisely, "Wait until you see the * I'm putting next
> >door to
> >them"!!

 

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river.
Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "*, please give me the strength to cross the river."

Poof! * gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "*, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river."

Poof! * gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed,"*, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross river."

Poof! He was turned into a woman.

She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.