Helpful Everyday Tips

Use WD-40 to polish all your chrome. It will make it shine like a * and any future grease, water will just bead up and roll right off.

 

Always remember to put your wanking sock into the washing.

 

If you’re running late to catch your holiday flight, just ring the airport help desk & tell them there’s a bomb on board. Hey presto! Arrive in plenty of time.

 

Save money on milk by not reporting an elderly neighbours death.
Even leave a note ordering other expensive items like jam and bacon.
Sell any extra you don't need to make some cash!

 

Viz Top Tips

 

fu<k sake, there is a scoop, clean your worktops, great mate aye. what about some detox if you are going to prepare food?

 

think it might be the bleach that is the main ingredient in this masterstroke.

 

To be honest mate, if you are going to have a colonic before making a meal I'll just have an apple...

 

from what? the garage??????

 

Keep slugs out of your home. A couple of saucers of lager in the back garden. Sprinkle salt at your back door on the step, under your kitchen appliances, especially your washing machine because the * will crawl up inside and short circuit the machine by getting slime on the wires.

 

Just seen this Sean.........l've got a better tip than that...........get yer wife to do it

 

where????

 

It's a new world auld yin. what can i say.

 

Never wear a pink bumbag for the monkey house at the Zoo . . .

 

Manky hoose,

 

There's more than a couple of saucers of lager in the back garden.

 

I always do that....never run anywhere, I just like rubbing Vaseline on my nipples

 

your wife will back that up as well i suppose?

 

don't think ring was what he was talking about.