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A cry for help

Discussion in 'TalkCeltic Pub' started by verdi-y-blanco, Nov 29, 2011.

Discuss A cry for help in the TalkCeltic Pub area at TalkCeltic.net.

  1. verdi-y-blanco

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    I know this seems weird but here there's anonymity. I've been feeling depressed recently. I've emailed samaritans but they haven't got back to me. Here's the Email I sent to them. Please don't judge me for doing this, but I could really do with some advice.

    I feel a bit pathetic for doing this, because I'm not sure if I'm being over dramatic about my situation. This is a long winded list of all my crappy feelings. I'm sorry for making it so long.

    My name is ***********, I'm 20 years old and living in Stirling, studying at Stirling University. Recently I've been feeling like everything has been getting on top of me. I'm struggling with my studies at the moment as they're becoming more difficult this year and I'm becoming worried about being kicked out of university. I can't motivate myself to go to my classes yet at the same time I know that I'm running the risk of failing the year. The pressure of this is worrying because I failed a year at A level and my parents supported me through that but told me that I had to do well at uni. I'm so scared of disappointing them as my older brother achieved a great degree in maths at a better uni.

    My parents don't know that I've struggled with an addiction to drugs over the last two years, it caused me to blow all my money and get into serious debt. My parents bailed me out and I told them that I had just gone out too much and spent too much money on my friends drinks as well.

    I have been clean for over a year but the temptation always remains. I feel proud of myself for doing this but since then I've also felt depressed and unable to really enjoy anything. I find myself looking for why something is probably wrong or corrupt and have become cynical about almost everything. I also get really angry about little things and a lot of people have said that I'm a really angry man and I don't want to be. I just want to be happy. I still have problems managing money (albeit for different reasons) and I'm scared of having to go to my parents again as they told me if I messed up again I was on my own. This just makes me feel useless and incapable of doing anything even though I know I need to do it.

    One of the best things about leaving home to come to university a year ago was meeting my girlfriend as for a while she made me feel happy but recently I've found myself not wanting to be with her but I know deep down this isn't true. She's the perfect person but I find myself rejecting her and I hate myself for it as I know she genuinely is the best thing in my life.

    I sorry for venting but I'm not really sure how to stop feeling like this. I know there will be no quick fixes but I'm just hoping you can show me a path to take.


    A quick reply would be greatly appreciated but I understand if you're busy.
     
  2. JrOhara2

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    Mate,
    After the last couple days in football with the suicide of Speed, so get that out of your mind. Stirling University does'nt make it better, seeing as they have a high suicide rate, just being honest.

    Now for the advice, there is 3 weeks until xmas, go home, spend some time with the family, talk to mum and dad and see where you want to go in life. I have talked about drugs to my uncle who has lost a few good mates over it, so find a friend or family member that can help you. I'm only in highschool but school is getting overwhelming, you need to get in a zone, your own world for an hour just for your studies. Take your girlfriend out for a meal, explain this to her, she will help you.
    You might just need time away somewhere, by yourself, you may be a student, but it sounds like you need a holiday, before you do something you regret. Hope this helps.
     
  3. AnnoniOnAnawNoo

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    mate if your feeling like this you have to start to share it with somebody within your circle of friends. maybe choose a really good friend who you have known for years, sit them down and explain to them the feelings you have just put down in this email above.

    to me your problems sound more like work related stress (i.e. fear of failing your uni course) but it also could be a delayed reaction to no longer using recreational drugs. i just want to say a well done for kicking that habit, i know as well as most how hard that can be.

    really pal, in the grand scheme of things, re-sitting 1 year of uni is not uncommon and it doesnt mean you wont get your degree. it is not a competition between you and your brother and im sure your mum and dad dont see it that way either. speak to them about the troubles your having this year and if you are serious about catching up to where you should be with your course then you also need to discuss it with your course head.

    obviously im no expert on the matter but if you ever want someone anonymous to talk to them please just drop me a pm, i'd be happy to talk over things with you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2011
  4. Jezzz

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    You've the done the right thing to speak out mate, nothing worse than keeping it all penned up inside.

    A lot of people have the same trouble as you, and if I was you and I did feel genuinely down, I'd go see my GP. For one, he can talk to you and give you advice. He can also refer you onto someone who specialises in that sort of thing and also prescribe you drugs if needed, which will work!

    This is of course jumping to conclusions judging by what you said and what my dad said as a result (he's a psychiatrist).

    You're not pathetic at all for coming on here mate, best thing to do :50:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2011
  5. ourdaywillcome! Gold Member Gold Member

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    You should talk to your parents. They will understand and back you 100%, it's their job.

    If talking to your parents is too much maybe you should tell your girlfriend what's going on. If you keep avoiding her your situation could get even worse. The last thing you need right now is losing someone you obviously hold in such high regard.

    Talking is the best thing to do, very brave of you pal.
     
  6. greengrocer

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    Mate, you're 20. Uni isn't everything just now. You health is.
    I've been that down before but you just have to remember the people close to you around you. If uni is that tight just now, speak to the advisors and your parents.
    And sorry to hear of your addiction at such a young age, but that's been a year and you should feel proud. Sadly addiction is always going to be there but you've been strong enough for a year, that's the hardest part.
    All I can say is just take time away from uni if it is that stressful. You can always go back, as I said your only 20 it's not the end of the world if you can't cope with it jsut now.
    Does your gf know how you feel? She might understand and help you out some by either giving you some space or supporting you in other ways.

    Just talk to someone. It really helped me seeing someone from the outside to talk to.
    Good luck to you mate.
     
  7. erie32c

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    its good that you have started to wright down how you feel and its a start ,,and also you have gaveing up drugs ,,i thuink that you have to look at your past ,,when you were young ,,,how you feel growing up in your househould and how you seen yourself in the family ,,you may have felt like yopu were adopted or didnt fit in ,or were not up to what you thimk were ur expections of yourself ,,always trying to prove something ,or another ..welll if you go over your past you may see that it has a effect on you prsent days feelings and outlook in life ,,thinking you always get things wrong ,and being an overacceiver ,,one ig thing and you menchent your brother is you may feel rejected ,,as tyou seem to be comparing your self to him ,,i know its hard but its possibal to be yourself ,,drop youe level of expections of yourself aND ACCEPPT YOUR SELF FOR WHO YOU ARE ..WARTS AND ALL ,,HOPE IT HELPS ,,..SLAN ANIOS MO CHARRA{GOODBYE FOR NOW MY FRIEND}
     
  8. The The Hand

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    If you've been clean for a year after a year of addiction, then you've demonstrated that you're a strong person.

    But sometimes being strong can lead you to make unrealistic expectations of yourself. No-one does these things all on their own, you have to share with other people. I would seriously consider breaking the news to your folks about your previous drug problem. This would explain to them why you were in financial trouble, and also maybe allow them to be more understanding about your course.

    I'd also consider going to your adviser at Uni and having a good chat about the problems you're experiencing. Sometimes doing a course at slightly the wrong time in your life can make it so much harder than if you did it at the right time. If you're suffering from clinical depression, for example, you could get a year's grace from the Uni on medical grounds, which would take the immediate pressure off in that area.

    And your girlfriend - have you had a heart-to-heart with her about all these things? Could it be that you're trying too hard to appear OK and strong from the outside, when it might be better to share your human frailties - which we all have, and can all sympathise with?
     
  9. Callum McGregor The Captain Gold Member

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    Talking about your problems is the first step towards solving them. Well done on being clean for a year, it's great that you had the willpower to do that.

    I recommend going swimming or running or any other form of exercise at least three times a week. You might think it's a lot of * but exercise releases endorphins in your body which make you feel good. Plus, it's beneficial to your long term health. I know it won't get rid of all your problems but it'll at least help you to feel better.

    Be honest and open with your parents if you need to talk to them or get advice. It'll get worse if you bottle things up. They might be disappointed, but they'll be more concerned about helping you get better.

    Don't compare yourself to your brother, you are your own man and you don't need to follow in his footsteps in order to be proud of what you achieve.

    It might help to speak to your girlfriend about how you feel. She'll be more than likely concerned about you and will want to help.

    As for your uni work, even if you have a high work load, you'll feel much better once you start chipping away at it. Even if you do little bits at a time, the workload will slowly decrease.

    Financially, when you're about to buy something (a pint for example), just think 'Do I really need this?'. If you get the idea into your head that you don't really need to spend indulgently then that might help your financial woes.

    There's no need to apologise for venting. I don't know you and what I've just said can be completely dismissed, I'm not going to try and pretend that I understand how you feel. But there was a period in my life where I was depressed following the death of my Dad. I was also very angry (all the time) and incredibly cynical. I started to feel better once I saw where my problems were and once I started to speak to people about them. It didn't fix everything straight away, but it was a start. Everyone has problems, sometimes they become really difficult to deal with but you can get yourself through it.
     
  10. GazF1888

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    Top advice Minty. :50:
     
  11. CheGuevara

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    You are always right in trying to talk about these feelings. If you can't find anywhere else for some solace, then I'm sure that everyone on here will always lend an attentive ear.

    It's still best for you to try and contact the Samaritans though, as those guys are trained in how to help with depression. What you have is a disease, and your doctors or the Samaritans can help, either with medication or with advice.

    I hope all turns out well for you, but whatever you do, don't let your depression go too far.
     
  12. Lion1961 Bookmaker

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    Verdi firstly mate there is no need to feel ashamed about being depressed and I'm sure you are not alone in feeling this way. By talking here you are I think seeking help and advice & much of what has been already given is top grade.

    I strongly urge you to call Samaritans, go see your GP or even seek student councelling help face to face. You will I think find your situation is one they have the experience of dealing with many times. They will not think any the worse of you for seeking help and certainly won't judge you as a failure.

    Falkirk number for Samaritans is: :01324 622066

    In case you need it the Uni student wellbeing help site is:

    http://www.stir.ac.uk/campus-life/support-and-wellbeing

    Pressures to achieve a good degree from family are not new but it is also possible they don't realise the pressures they are inadvertantly putting you under. I'm sure they love and care for you and given the chance will listen to you and even help all they can. It's not easy to admit you have had a drug problem but by staying clean for over a year you have already shown you have the determination to put that past behind you. That alone is somethingto feel quite rightly proud of.

    It's much harder to admit these things to family I know and maybe you are not ready to do that. However by being so open here you know deep down you want and need someone to talk to. Don't lock your troubles inside mate. Go seek the profesional help that is out there and do it as soon as possible. Talk to your girlfriend, I'm sure she will understand and help you get through this bad period. It won't be easy- you know that I'm sure but trust me you don't need to be alone.
     
  13. ReggDegg

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    Fight through it, verdi.
    Your already winning the battle just by talking about it.
    An extremely brave 1st step. well done.
    .
    Your parents have 20 years each invested in you.
    Make it your goal to show them they did a good job.
    .
    Your girl sounds nice.
    She also has invested a lot of time in your relationship. You may want to explain any dodgy behaviour recently, and thank her for her continued support.
    .
    Im glad you made this thread.
    It shows your not the 'crawl into a shell'-type.
    You have many allies on here 24/7 to talk to about anything.
    .
    One day in the future you may be giving advice to someone on here.
    I look forward to reading it.
     
  14. charliebhoy81

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    Mate youll get past this,i had serious dpression for a year,couldnt get round it cos i struggled on my own.The lads here are right you MUST talk about it and get things off your chest,the doctor gave me pillls which helped tremendously but from my experience TALKING is the best cure,luckily i have my brother who is only 2 years younger than me and more or less my best mate as i could always turn to him,even for trivial things and he would always help,in fact he still does.So find someone that you are close to and just talk it out,start off slowly:50:

    All the best
     
  15. shendr18

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    Spot on !! once christmas comes just stop what you are doing and relax. Do things to take your mind off university and remember failing is not the end of the world.

    It is better to have aimed for the stars and never reached them than to have lowered your goals in life and reached them
     
  16. hairytoes

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    Talk to Uni, arrange to delay your studies if need be. Make a nice meal for your girlfriend, flowers etc... tell her how you feel about her & about yourself - she might be the best person to speak with, to be able to make you feel better about yourself. Don't take on the World's problems. Don't take on the World's problems. Don't take on the World's problems. Don't take on the World's problems, you'll never solve them. I'm very sensitive to the unfairness of the World & it gets me down, more than my own situtation does - it really gets me down & can also make me rant & rave, getting myself into a state of anger. It never, ever helps anyone. Peace & Love to you.
     
  17. innerpeace

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    You are really great person that you've overcome a temptation for 1 year and now you are revealing your feeling in order to rectify things. I can't even imagine all those hardship that you've been through for about that 1 year. You really are a brave person. And I do think talking to your parents and getting some helps from your family is the right thing. I don't think they'd just be dissapointed, They all would worry about you and want to hug your hurts with their whole hearts and try their very hardest to solve this problem. and by this way, I believe you could have much more spiritual comfort, in the end.

    As I think all posts in this thread are so nice and touching, I can't say much other things, but I just want to leave my hearts here. I'm sure everyone here would do the same, and I also will pray for you that you could handle this situation so well. I think it's yourself who has to deal with this problem in the end, but I do hope you don't feel like that you're left alone. I'm sorry about my English but I do hope everything is really going so well with you. * bless and will keep you, and your future.
     
  18. Gary_92

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    Mate, you've probably read some of my posts on here. I am at Stirling uni too. Whereabouts are you living mate- on or off campus? First of all, I know how you feel by not wanting to go to classes. But trust me, you WON'T get kicked out of uni- I know guys who never went too any classes in the semester and still passed their modules. All the lecture notes should be posted online anyway- do you feel you can't even be bothered reading anything or doing anything academic? If so, then thats when I'd advise talking to someone, as you have depression symptoms.
    You say you haven't taken any drugs for a year- well thats a massive step in the right direction. Now you have to try and overcome your depression. We all get depressed at times mate- Maybe talk to a doctor or someone who can help. If you ever need to talk just PM me, (I don't know if you drink alcohol) but if you ever want to let off steam and have a few pints just let me know. Remember, you're not alone.
     
  19. C2911

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    It's weird to see Gary giving advice and not asking for it.
     
  20. verdi-y-blanco

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    Thanks so much everyone. It means so much to me that people have taken the time to reply.

    I'm going to speak with a student counsellor this week as I know I need to speak to someone. I feel better already just speaking to you guys on here. Thank you again.


    Gary I live off campus, I was living in Geddes last year. Probably hasn't helped me aha!