Your Funny Story

It seems everyone has their hilarious story to tell regarding an experience about themselves or a pal or a relative etc.

I've read a few crackers in here in my time, so it'd be great to read a few more! So what's yours?

 

Thatcher died

 

* up on New Years Eve in town seeing a van full of coppers & thinking it would be a good idea to wish them all Happy New Year.
Staggers over & yanks open the passenger door only to see the Seargent fall out into the gutter at my feet with his legs still in the van.
He looked * off & all I could think of to say was “Happy New Year, Hic!”
He did give me a bollocking but the coppers in the back * themselves laughing.

 

http://www.talkceltic.net/forums/threads/ever-shat-your-ys-on-a-night-out.123085/

This thread has some amusing ones.

 

Boy that used to get on our supporters bus had an electronic tag & had a curfew (think it was 7pm).

St Johnstone away a few seasons ago. Came home from the game & straight to the pub.

He lost track of the time & had to peg it home to be in for his curfew.

Turned up at the house...nobody in.

Had to lie on the pavement with his leg through the cat flap so it looked like he was in the hoose

 

Would love to see Norm back.

 

You start a thread about looking hillaroous stories yet don't post any yourself

 

Went out on the lash with work one day.

Big group and a mate had a partner who worked in the fancy pancy wine bar/club so £10 a head got us an obscene amount of free alcohol.

Safe to say I drank grey goose like water, never had the same drink twice, apparently tried to break dance but no * had the decency to film it. Everyone says they last saw me in different places as if I was some * magician. One says they even called me and I was claiming to be by big Ben, (I wasn't I was in covent garden).

Lost my phone, my tie and another mate ended up with my specs.

Safe to say I was woke up by a nurse slapping me for information after being delivered to a hospital in a rickshaw probably passed out on the street and once I slept it off and had the drip taken out I travelled home smelling of * as I did indeed * myself and puking up water at Euston station.

Some * night, which I've no cunting memory.

 

He probably already is Minty.

 

Nah he’s not.

 

Funny story of a crazy * I know who I used to be swimming about in his nut sack just before I was born. I had a dole drop years ago, let the mad * stay in it now and again. Found out there was a few mice in it but he couldn't catch them. Anyway to cut a long story short, the lunitic brought a .22 air rifle into it, waited up all night with a few drinks in him, took aim and missed both them everytime they came into the sitting room . Done the same the next night missed again and on the 3rd night, got both them. The mad * couldn't wait to tell us the next day with his priced assets 2 dead mice .

There's wiser eating grass

 

Not sure if I. M totally * , but are you talking about your old man ?

 

Yes ya header. Bit of craic ya daft *!

As for us 2, more like brothers we are at times!

 

Nah he's not.

 

My old gaffer in work used to run marathons and that back in the day. Says some big foreign investment company sponsored some crazy run that was the length of John O'Groats to Lands End. Basically you had to run to a point by a certain time to get driven to the next location to run the next day. This company was offering some serious money to winners and winning teams back when this sort of thing was not popular at all.

This attracted a lot of runners from all over Europe, and as he said many mental * from Germany and a few Eastern bloc countries sent over a few teams. Near the end of the race days he says that they were all absolutely *, joints and tendons etc absolutely goosed, massive blisters from miles upon miles of running. The runners from the eastern bloc countries had only brought one pair of running shoes per person and hardly any supplies needed for this sort of thing so they were particularly in a bad way.

Says he was running a boring stretch of forest and hadn't seen another person for miles. He suddenly hears this slapping noise similar to the noise when walking in flip flops. He runs a bit more and sees one of the Eastern European troops running and the source of this slapping noise. He shouts the guy assuming that the sole of his trainer has burst and causing this noise...this was not the case. He gets closer and notices that the source of the slapping noise is the sole of the guys foot in which the calloused layer of skin has fully detached from the base of his foot and came out through the sole of his burst trainers

The guy stops and pulls the skin back and it is as brutal as expected. Rather than stopping running he gets duct tape and wraps it round his foot to reattach the base of his foot and finishes the day and finishes the race the next day.... when men were men!

 

Best funny story I've read on here is that one about the tim that fell asleep on the bus back from the Blackburn game.

 

My mate tells a belter, he was at a game and we made a sub, Enrico Anoni came on and...