1. Having trouble logging in by clicking the link at the top right of the page? Click here to be taken to the log in page.
    Dismiss Notice

Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'TalkCeltic Pub' started by Dubsbhoy, Jun 22, 2004.

Discuss Jokes Thread in the TalkCeltic Pub area at TalkCeltic.net.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Page 41 of 44

  1. kieranc

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2010
    Messages:
    7,910
    Likes Received:
    2
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Celtic Symphony
    Why did the banana go to the doctors?







    ...BEAUSE HE WASNT PEELING WELL!:56:

    ok ok ill get my coat
     
    kieranc, May 6, 2010
    #801

  2. Craiglang Gold Member Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2008
    Messages:
    1,419
    Likes Received:
    876
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Broony
    Fav Celtic Song:
    LTPS
    Whats a hun and a cloud got in common?



    Once they * off, its normally a nice day!
     
    Craiglang, May 13, 2010
    #802

  3. James Gold Member Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2009
    Messages:
    22,683
    Likes Received:
    16,862
    daffy duck on a dirty weekend calls reception and asks for condoms,receptionist says shall i put them on your bill? 'dont be thucking thupid id thuffocate




    did you hear about the old irish muslim joke
    no?ahh jihad to be there
     
    James, May 13, 2010
    #803

  4. Dazza

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2007
    Messages:
    11,538
    Likes Received:
    2,949
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Boruc
    One day, a man walked into a bar. He say's to the bartender, "If I
    show you the most amazing thing in your life, will you give me
    five free beers?"

    The bartender says, "Show me this amazing thing first."

    So the man takes out a 10 inch man and a tiny piano.

    The 10 inch man starts playing the piano. The bartender scratches
    his head and says, "Wow, that is amazing. Here are your five
    beers. How did you do that?"

    "There is a magic lamp outside. Rub it and a genie comes out and
    will grant you one wish."

    So the bartender goes outside, finds the lamp, and rubs it. Then
    the genie comes out and says "I am the genie of this lamp. I will
    grant one wish. Choose carefully."

    "I want 10,000,000 bucks." As soon as he made his wish, 10,000,000
    ducks came out of nowhere.

    The bartender goes back into the bar.

    "Boy" he says to the man, "that genie sure does have bad hearing."

    The man answers: "I know, did you really think I asked for a 10
    inch pianist?"
     
    Dazza, Jun 9, 2010
    #804

  5. Ciaran-Celtic1

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2010
    Messages:
    981
    Likes Received:
    0
    Rio Ferdinand: "So doctor, is the knee looking any better after the second scan?"

    Doctor: "Go back to Africa."

    Rio Ferdinand: "Fantastic! The knee is going to be okay then?"

    Doctor: "No."




    My wife was killed yesterday, I'll never forget her last words...
    'Make your own sandwich!'




    The girlfriend's just had her teeth whitened.
    Although, to be honest, most of it landed on her chin.






    Iron Man is a superhero.

    Iron Woman is a command.
     
    Ciaran-Celtic1, Jun 10, 2010
    #805

  6. TESLA Gold Member Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2009
    Messages:
    10,852
    Likes Received:
    2,701
    Location:
    Dublin
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Vernon Dursley.
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Fields Of Athenry.
    [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sd9Yibf_UXE&feature=player_embedded[/YOUTUBE]
     
    TESLA, Jun 10, 2010
    #806

  7. Benedict XVI

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,962
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    401
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Present : Hinkel Past : Thompson
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Let The People Sing. Partial To A Rebel
    10 minutes I'm never getting back :56:
     
    Benedict XVI, Jun 10, 2010
    #807

  8. garryakastubbsy

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    Messages:
    672
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denny
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Izzy
    Fav Celtic Song:
    lord of the wing
    I had a terrible nights sleep last night. I got woken up at about 3.30 by this woman banging on my front door screaming "Help me, help me, I've just been raped !!!!", I turned over and tried to go back to sleep but she was there for at least an hour screaming away.... In the end I had to get up and let her out...
     
    garryakastubbsy, Jun 10, 2010
    #808

  9. TESLA Gold Member Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2009
    Messages:
    10,852
    Likes Received:
    2,701
    Location:
    Dublin
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Vernon Dursley.
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Fields Of Athenry.
    One of the funnyest things ive seen in ages :56:

    [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl_2YtnH6nA[/YOUTUBE]
     
    TESLA, Jun 13, 2010
    #809

  10. emmetf

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2010
    Messages:
    5,782
    Likes Received:
    2
    [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGA0dIz9-Wk&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]
     
    emmetf, Jun 13, 2010
    #810

  11. Mr. Slippyfist

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2009
    Messages:
    5,239
    Likes Received:
    7,371
    Last night on the way home from the pub i decided to take a shortcut home along the railway. To my amazement, i saw a gorgeous young blonde girl tied to the railway track so i untied her and we made mad * all night. Im hoping for a * tomorrow if i can find her head:52:

    Whats the difference between "no,no,no" and "Mmmm,mmm,mmmm"?
    Ducktape:50:

    Glasgow woman dials 999 and tells them " A need an ambulance, am pregnunt n ma waters huv broak!!"...operator says" where are you ringing from dear?"....she replies " Fae ma * tae ma feet!"

    Paddy and mick go on a roller-coaster. Mick says "if we turn upside down do you think we'll fall out?" "Will we *" says paddy.."we've been friends for 30 years":52:

    Builder on a 3rd floor forgot to bring his saw up with him. He shouts down to wee Sean the apprentice, but sean cant hear him so he decides to do sign language. He points to his eye for "I", points to his knee for "need" and then moves his hand back and forth in a sawing motion for "saw". Sean nods, pulls down his pants and starts wanking. Furious, the builder runs downstairs "What the * are you doing? I said i need my saw!"...."I know" said Sean.."I was just letting you know i was coming!"
     
    Mr. Slippyfist, Jun 13, 2010
    #811

  12. James Gold Member Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2009
    Messages:
    22,683
    Likes Received:
    16,862
    scottish police have spent the night dealing with flash floods after 5 million people simultaneously pished themselves laughing when usa scored against england
     
    James, Jun 13, 2010
    #812

  13. CelticFC1967

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2010
    Messages:
    6,917
    Likes Received:
    1
    Robert Green - the first spill the Americans have enjoyed this year
     
    CelticFC1967, Jun 13, 2010
    #813

  14. liam123cfc

    Joined:
    May 3, 2010
    Messages:
    1,870
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Craigavon
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Henrik Larsson
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Willie Maley
    Removed by staff
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2010
    liam123cfc, Jun 13, 2010
    #814

  15. Mr. Slippyfist

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2009
    Messages:
    5,239
    Likes Received:
    7,371
    * off with that rascist * buddy if you want to spill that * * off to a hun site!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2010
    Mr. Slippyfist, Jun 13, 2010
    #815

  16. gbtp67

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Messages:
    1,056
    Likes Received:
    0
    No need for that * here :38:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2010
    gbtp67, Jun 13, 2010
    #816

  17. kieranc

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2010
    Messages:
    7,910
    Likes Received:
    2
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Celtic Symphony
    +1
     
    kieranc, Jun 13, 2010
    #817

  18. richardm

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2010
    Messages:
    4,335
    Likes Received:
    1,159
    Location:
    Here there and everywhere..............
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Mcgrain
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Celtic Symphony
    Watching the World Cup is just like being married.................

    You are supposed to enjoy it but all you hear is an annoying drone in the background!
     
    richardm, Jun 13, 2010
    #818

  19. richardm

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2010
    Messages:
    4,335
    Likes Received:
    1,159
    Location:
    Here there and everywhere..............
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Mcgrain
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Celtic Symphony
    Why is Robert Green like ITV HD?

    They both switch off at the crucial moment.
     
    richardm, Jun 13, 2010
    #819

  20. Scarecrow

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2009
    Messages:
    19,036
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    ML2.
    ENGLAND.
     
    Scarecrow, Jun 13, 2010
    #820
Page 41 of 44
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.