Talk celtic ExCLUSIVE!! - TalkCeltic

Vade · 12-08-2008, 02:53 PM

TALK CELTIC EXCLUSIVE!

CUELLAR HAS A JUST CLAUSE.

Today it has been revealed that Rangers star defender Carlos “Did you see my save against the hoops?” Cuellar has used a clause in his contract to get out HMS Ibrox. The clause was written in crayon and added last week after the shocking, abysmal, ludicrous (and all together brilliant) result against Kaunas.

In this clause it was stated that should Rangers not qualify for the human race then all players that have jeopardised this outcome would be sold. Similar clauses are being added to Nacho “No knob” Novo, Kris “Got so many piles now” Boyd and Kevin “Isn’t this grass long” Thomson. Other players will be added to the list when Crayola make Hun deliveries.

It took several days of speculation and denial for the Rangers board to finally admit to the selling of Cuellar. Speaking at a press conference David Murray denied the sale was too balance the books in the aftermath of a disastrous exit from European competition.
“To think that we sell players on a whim is purely ridiculous” Murray shouted to press, “It has taken hours of flicking through the yellow pages to find somewhere. Tell me what could I do? He asked. “Strachan didn’t want him, even after all the money we have to pay for Miller, Graeme Souness can’t get a job, so he won’t help like he used to. Finally I thought Martin, now there’s a manager that knows his shit, and we got chatting and after Martin, Yes I can call him Martin now, stopped laughing we set up a deal. This deal is not only good for the club, it is good for Carlos and it is bloody great for Celtic and my wallet”

When asked “How do you feel about playing for the villains?” Cuellar replied “With a face like this I had no choice; everybody always picks the pretty boy first”. It took several minutes for Cuellar’s tears to subside and the interview to continue. “So you are go to Villa for somewhere in the region of £8 million pounds?” one avid journalist asked.
“The villains” Cuellar replied.
“Yes, Aston Villa, the villains” informed the puzzled journalist. This information seemed to bring forth a violent rage from Cuellar as he started shouted “The villains, they told me it was £40 thousand and a good dental plan” At this Mr Murray could be seen leaving the conference room in a funny but wholly comical exit. Carlos Cuellar had to be restrained Walter “I wish it was the Nineties” Smith and Ally “Should have stayed with question of sport” McCoist and the press were asked to leave.
The cries of “I’ll show you what I bloody learned in Manchester” could be heard along the corridors, followed by horrific screams and loud crashes.
Later when asked about the sale of Cuellar Walter Smith denied any knowledge and had to be prompted by Ally McCoist “Sure you know him, he’s the ugly fooka”.
“Broadfoot?” Responded Smith.
“No the really ugly fooka” added McCoist.
“Oh him, so who’s gonna go in goal now?” asked a worried Rangers manager.