Personal Dilemma

[DublinBhoyJoe]

Hi,

I though I would share a bit of a Personal Dilemma I am expieriencing at the moment, My son is 24 and is a Heroin addict for the last seven years (Smoking it NOT Injecting) He is in and out of Mountjoy prison , For the times he was out of prision he lived under my roof, On a number of occasion I walked into his room to find him smoking the Heroin, I warned him lots of time not to bring any more of the crap into my house or he is out the door, My wife is of the opinion that if we fuck him out he will end up on O'Connell bridge doing the same thing, I have offered him financial help over the years to try and kick the habit but he will not take, saying he will give up in his own time, Now here is the dilemma, I have 3 other kids 9, 15, 17 who are all doing well at school and that, I feel when he is in the house they are under threat because he sometimes leaves his tin foil here and there and I am afraid they could find something and test it out, he is doing 6 months in MJ prison and should be out in September, he is of the impression he is going to walk straight back into my house and start using Heroin and bringing the Cops to my house again What do we do.

1. He does not want my help, He says he is not ready to give up
2. We have to think of our other kids
3. I NOW want him out because of above
4. My wife does NOT want him out

Any suggestions would help

Thanks

[clagan24]

that sounds like torture mate, i really feel for you and any parent that would have to go through anything like that. you last thing you want is for him to end up on the bridge with the rest of them so keep him at home under lock and key and dont let him out.

i know my da would have beat the shit out of me if i was in the same position, maybe getting him out of dublin might help, go on a holiday for a while?

[ellboy]

I feel for you it must be a terrible position to be in.

In all honesty though I think you need to speak to professional people who will have seen this all before. I am sure you are not the first family nor will you be the last to face such a dilemma, so there should be little stigma. The best thing is to seek help and not take all of this on your own shoulders.


P.S. Clagan has a great idea go on a long vacation preferably somewhere remote.

[cmilkbhoy]

sorry to hear m8, personally my opinion would be to put him out as you have to think about your other kids and you have offered help on numerous occasions but to no ovail. i know from previous experience that it can be the best thing in the long run. my dad put me out before and ill never hold it against him as it was the kick up the arse i needed to get my life on track

[Hammer]

You have to remove him from your family structure before it filters through to his younger siblings imo. You have a duty of care to everyone not just him.

Yes he's your son but heroin is a nasty, nasty drug and if he doesn't stop doing it, it will kill him. I wish drug users could see how selfish they're being at times

[kennydal]

Originally Posted by DublinBhoyJoe

Hi,

I though I would share a bit of a Personal Dilemma I am expieriencing at the moment, My son is 24 and is a Heroin addict for the last seven years (Smoking it NOT Injecting) He is in and out of Mountjoy prison , For the times he was out of prision he lived under my roof, On a number of occasion I walked into his room to find him smoking the Heroin, I warned him lots of time not to bring any more of the crap into my house or he is out the door, My wife is of the opinion that if we fuck him out he will end up on O'Connell bridge doing the same thing, I have offered him financial help over the years to try and kick the habit but he will not take, saying he will give up in his own time, Now here is the dilemma, I have 3 other kids 9, 15, 17 who are all doing well at school and that, I feel when he is in the house they are under threat because he sometimes leaves his tin foil here and there and I am afraid they could find something and test it out, he is doing 6 months in MJ prison and should be out in September, he is of the impression he is going to walk straight back into my house and start using Heroin and bringing the Cops to my house again What do we do.

1. He does not want my help, He says he is not ready to give up
2. We have to think of our other kids
3. I NOW want him out because of above
4. My wife does NOT want him out

Any suggestions would help

Thanks

thats a sore one mate ,if you have tried everything in your powers to help ,and i would personally do ,is ask him to leave ,yes its probaly the hardest thing you would have to do ,then its the unknown ,were is he ,whats he doing etc , its a wicked circle ,but again if he stayed ,what about the other children ,youre trying to protect them ,which is your priority,to safe guard your family ,and then theres your wife ,who doesnt want the boy to leave ,thats understandable ,a mothers love , hard thing to break mate ,cos god forbid if you did put him out and something gave , you are the guilty one in your wifes eyes ,you and your wife are probaly at each others throat at present as we talk ,i would go to a counseller and have an expert opinion mate ,and if you could get your son to go aswell ,im sorry i cant help you ,but i do hope you get to see someone proffesionally that might have to be the road you have to go down, apoligies

[alsybhoy]

sorry to hear that mate if it was my son id lock him in his room away from it all to get him clean and i would try and get some profesional guidence on the matter .i know its not what a lot of people would do but if it was to save his life then fuk it thats what id do

[PabloBhoy]

I have seen so many families destroyed because of drug/alcohol addiction in my years as a nurse and in my own personal life. i think your son has to leave the family home, as hard as it is for you and your wife, as it will destroy the family unit, it will tear you apart. your son does not want help at pressent, there is no point trying to force him to give up it will not achieve anything it will only cause annomosity between him and you and your family, when the time is right he will he will come to you for help. try and find him his own place just before he comes out of prison and maybe try and find him employment, find councelling or a programme for addicts, this is going to be a very hard time in your life, dont let him manipulate you when he gets out, be strong and possitive and you and your family will get through this together. I wish you all the best, and i hope you pull through.

[craigyjac]

mate, if he doesnt want to give up then you cant help him.
i think its time for hard love. you need to protect your other kids, if he doesnt like your rules then i thnk you need to kick him out, in case your other kids get lead down the same path. lesser of two evils imo

[antokerr1888]

fair play to you for sharing your problem mate,i know it's gonna be so hard to do but for the sake of your other kids you're gonna have to not let him back into your house,it'll be better in the long run...no matter what you decide to do i feel for you bud

[Dempsey]

I really feel for you mate, you are between a rock and a hard place but I feel that you have to make the hard decision and keep him out of the house. He has an addiction and for all the good in him, when he gets the craving, that good is overwhelmed with the desire to do what it takes to feed the habit. You have the rest of the family to look after, your other children have a good future but thats at risk with him around. Your wife needs to understand that risk.

You need to keep him out of the house. He needs help with his addiction, he needs to do that for the family or does he really care about you and the rest of the family? You need to confront him and ask him to seek help with the family's support to beat the addiction. You need to explain exactly what it's doing to you, your wife and the rest of the children. If there is any good left in him, he'll do what you ask, get the help, beat the addiction.

Thats my opinion on it but I strongly suggest that you go see a professional, get their advice on this and I hope things work out for you

[ReggDegg]

You and your wife need to be on the same side for a start.
Make a plan.
You 2 go see an expert while he's inside.
Decide if he's coming home of if he's out on his ear.
If you he decide he's coming home, you and your wife should together make some rules. Tell your son these rules during one of your visits. Make him understand that for the good of everyone you cant let this shit continue.
Remember it's hard for him, and very scarey to attempt to give-up this stuff.
Maybe offer an incentive.
be there to offer engouragement, help, love, and support.
good luck with your fight.

[craigyjac]

whatever route you go down, i wish you all the luck in the world mate

[Martin]

I feel for you mate.

I may not say what I'm about to say if it was my child but I think tough love is the only way. I think you have to let him know that you are not going to tolerate someone who is using heroin, and whose use of heroin is likely landing him in jail, staying in your house.

I realise that you will be worried that kicking him out could send him on a dangerous downward spiral but he is already on a slippery slope if he is using junk anyway.

Your heart must be breaking mate but he is 24, he is a man and not a boy, and you have to think of the other kids.

[Keltoi]

deepest sympathy mate but I really couldnt advise. Any reason why he got into the heroin while the rest of the family stayed clear of the stuff? Just wondering if there is any underlying cause cause that needs dealt with as well as the addiction.