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Durex Leak..
Condom manufacturers Durex have inadvertently let slip a massive project involving factories from around the UK. Employees from their offices in Guernsey, Peterlee, Redruth and Middleton have been taken off all other projects as of midnight last night. A condom to save the planet has been put under construction with immediate effect.
The worried workers have stated that the highly unlikely, nay, unbelievable events of yesterdays football has forced their hand in this matter. With Rangers FC and Zenit St Petersburg getting to the UEFA cup final, the world is facing a worst case scenario.
Fears are, that the sight of the ‘Little General’ and the ‘Loyal Cardigan’ striding out together on the 14th of May in Manchester will cause a mass ejaculation amongst the sex/success starved follow following. Without the giant condom the chances of mass fertilisation is too grim a thought to bear. Ladies are urged to stay away from the game, or if they have to go, to wear bullet proof undergarments.
The pope is said to have adopted a slightly reticent attitude to contraception in this instance. The first reaction to this news inside Snake Mountain was as devious as it was sinister. Sources have told us that a search to find the fastest swimmer among the billions of sperm would help to create a super hun, which could help to destroy football across the globe.
The last time a super hun was created he vanished for 70 years, only to turn up in the news recently, living in Austria. Josef Fritzl is now facing life in jail for locking up his daughter and having 7 children with her.
We can but prey that the good people of Durex can put in the overtime required to accomplish this most righteous of tasks.
In other news Adrian Mutu’s agent fears his career is over after being sandwiched between Kirk Broadfoot and Carlos Cuellar. “He just keeps saying “the horror, oh my god, the horror..” over and over again. We fear he will never play again…”.
Last edited by gozo; 02-05-2008 at 08:37 PM.
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