Stupid Jokes

[Rossenspeil]

Pretty self-explanatory.

Being a huge fan of stupid jokes, I would love you all to post them here.

If your joke is in any way intellectual or non-stupid, you can piss off.

So .. Ill get us going ...

What's black, lies on top of the ocean and shouts 'FUCK'?
Crude oil.

Whats white and swings through the jungle?
Tarzan the fridge.

Whats blue and square?
An orange in disguise

What's green and floats through walls?
Casper the friendly snooker table

Whats red and invisible?
No tomatoes

[Marie]

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A Carrot

What did the doctor say to the midget?
You'll have to be a little patient.

When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar

[LB]

Whats the Difference between a Kangeroo and a Kangeroot???

1 is an animal & 1 is a Geordie stuck in a lift

[-OC-]

Why didn't Adam have mother-in-law?
Because he lived in paradise.


Taken from another website, awesome site, Serbian version of Urban dictionary:


Kids Are Quick!
____________________________________
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher


Also, I know some Chuck Norris ones about his IT skills, but nevermind...

[ConnellyBhoy]

Lmao Orthodox some of those kid ones are crackers. Wouldn't put it past that it might actually have happened at some stage!

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

That ones the best!

---

I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"

[alsybhoy]

whats pink,wrinkly,and hangs out yer boxers?















yer maw!!!!

[alsybhoy]

whats long hard and full of seamen?











a submerine!!

[Bobm]

Chineese sayings.


+ man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

+wife who put man in doghouse will find him in cathouse

+ man who fish in other mans well often catch crabs.

[Markybhoy99]

Knock Knock.........Who's there?.........Banana..........Banana who?
Knock Knock.........Who's there?.........Banana..........Banana who?
Knock Knock.........Who's there?.........Banana..........Banana who?
Knock Knock.........Who's there?.........Banana..........Banana who?
Knock Knock.........Who's there?.........Banana..........Banana who?


Knock Knock............Who's there?.........Orange......Orange who?




Orange you glad I never said banana again!

[DanniGhirl]

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop and ask for directions.

What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

[Markybhoy99]

Originally Posted by DanniGhirl

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop and ask for directions.

What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

OUCH!

What do all battered wives have in common? They won't fucking listen!

Why are women's feet smaller than men's? So they can get closer to the sink when doing the dishes

Why do women have legs? Ever seen the mess a slug makes!

What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant

[DanniGhirl]

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

[Markybhoy99]

Originally Posted by DanniGhirl

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

At least you're admitting they're dumb now

[Andybhoy]

ever hear of the magic tractor?

turned into a field

[Rossenspeil]

Saw a man pickpocketing a midget today ...

How could anyone stoop so low?